8 posts tagged “adoption”
Isn’t it one of the first rules of blogging (that you do not talk about blogging… oh man that was so lame! heh) is to keep an entry to one subject — one narrative? Well, let me tell you right in advance that I obviously lack that gene. Or skill. Or the will to follow that rule. Can’t/won’t/don’t wanna.
Okay. That said, I have a lot on my mind lately. (more…)
I am the first person to tell you that I am the - with a hard “e” THEEEE - luckiest woman on the planet. Great husband, terrific family and support system, and I won the baby lottery. I have two gorgeous, engaging, sweet little babies. Both under one. Apple cheeked (both ends), big bright blue eyes, and toes like little corn niblets. Mmm! It’s entirely no surprise whatsoever that we get stopped frequently when we go anywhere (and we all go out together for most everything - grocery shopping, errands, what-have-you).
Usually when we go out, it’s both Greg and I with both babies. When that’s the case, it’s easier to head off conversation with strangers by engaging conversation with each other, if we aren’t already. When I’m by myself - I wish the people would just leave us alone. Because as sure as I did not give birth to my beautiful babies, I also do not know how to keep my mouth shut.
Funny thing? Neither do the people who stop me to comment on my children.
In the last three months “Are they twins?” has been the #1 question and/or comment — with a bullet.
Answers I should say:
- Yes. (Lie and shut them up.)
- Why do you want to know? (Seriously, shut them up.)
- What do you think? (Duh.)
Answer I give:
- No.
The conversation that follows, invariably, goes like this:
THEM: “How old are they?”
ME: “She’s 6½ months, he’s 10½ months.”
THEM: *slackjawed* How did that happen?/Are they both yours?/How do you do that?
What I should say: “Why do you want to know?”
Then it becomes a situation where I’m divulging really personal information to a complete stranger. I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT! It’s gotten to the point where people I don’t know have asked me if I’m infertile (wow. WOW.), do we get money for the kids/how much, why didn’t we adopt out-of-country, and even a remark that thank goodness that they weren’t aborted.
Honestly people. Did your mamas not teach you manners?
Here’s my personal suggestion when you encounter a family with baby/ies:
“He/she/they’re beautiful.”
“Congratulations.”
…and if anyone ever confides in you that they’ve adopted a child, I wholeheartedly recommend that you do NOT say any of the following:
- “He/she/they look like you.” (I get that a lot with both my children and really? They don’t. Maybe you should get glasses. We all just have very full cheekies and blue eyes.)
- “They’re very lucky.” (We’re all very lucky to have each other. I’m the luckiest of all.)
- Say anything that even remotely smacks of a hint of a suggestion of a whisper that the person is not a real parent. (I am doused with baby puke several times every day. I am sleep deprived. I give kisses and cuddles and feedings. The only difference is that I did not give birth to my child.)
- Make any assumptions about fertility. Adoption isn’t always a last option when it comes to building a family.
I’ve opened myself up to all kinds of ridiculous and terrible things by answering questions too openly (really, because that’s who I am) - but I’m done. Or maybe I’m just really exhausted (I am) and had one too many frustrating experiences today (I did) and I’m being melodramatic (unpossible!) — we’ll see how I respond the next time some seemingly delightful woman smiles and asks me if my beautiful babies are twins…
Fostering Love
One mother tells her fost/adopt story. Fantastic.
Yesterday was a really great day. It did not go off nearly as planned - but hey, that’s life. That’s life and I can’t deny it… Okay, I’ll stop channeling Frank Sinatra now…
The weather was a little bit spagetti and meatballs with drizzle and cloud cover - so, we opted not to go to the zoo. Not to mention that the paperwork signing party took… over two hours. Our first social worker came in at 9a, and the last of them left around 1:20-ish. It… was a long morning.
But.
We are Aidan’s prospective adoptive parents of record with LA County, and that brings us one step closer to finalizing this whole adoption process. We are past any point of his birthmom being able to file an appeal - at this point, if she showed up (after over 9 months - HA!) she’d have no rights whatsoever. That is a supremely fantastic feeling.
We went out for Mexican food for lunch with the kids. Aidan, turns out? Not a fan of jalapeno peppers.
I KID.
(he loves them)
NO - REALLY - kidding!!
And then we came home and crashed on the couch and watched the Oprah I ti-fauxed (Jon & Kate - they give me hope while also making me feel entirely incompetent). We played on the floor, read books, and talked for the rest of the day.
And Greg got cheesecake.
So, really, not too shabby even if it wasn’t the most exciting. I had me and my baby and my babies and lots of birthday wishes from my family and friends.
So, I’m good. 36 was good to me.
I need to talk less and listen more.
Thus ends the fact portion of this program. The rest are just my opinions.
I am in such a bad headspace right now. I’m really aggravated and just feel like taking space from everyone right now. Well, except for the people who live under my roof, and a few others. But overall? So aggravated. I’ll get over it, but in the meantime? I’m just stewing in my own… stew.
*stews*
I did Valentine’s day for Greg for under $25 from all three of us. The kids and I made plaster handprints from each of them, and I bought $5 Target valentine frames (so cute!) and printed out pictures of each of the kids that he had not seen before and put them in the frames <– that was from me. Inexpensive but meaningful. Tonight we’ve got a social worker visit, because that is just how we roll around here… honestly, it’s insane the amount of visitation and home visits we have. At least, I think it is. Although, as they say, we knew the job was dangerous when we took it.
Okay - I’m going to end this on an UP note. I’m not sure… have I mentioned this…? Next Friday Greg and I are signing permanent placement paperwork for Aidan’s adoption. It is the last step before the finalization of the adoption. Once we do this, we send the paperwork to our attorney for magical attorney and court stuff, and within 3 months the adoption will be final. This I know. My hope and wish? That he will be finalized on or before his first birthday.
Also? The day we’re signing permanent placement papers? That would also happen to be Greg and my birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US! …and then we’re going to the zoo.
It’s going to be a great day next Friday, it is.
Just a few things…
Today we drove north to meet up with my parents and to see how far the house has progressed in the last two weeks. Since we’ve had mega-super-STORM-WATCH-2008 rain since the last time we were there, we just didn’t know what to expect. Let me tell you, we… were very. very. pleasantly surprised.
I went through the house with Greg and made this eight minute video walking through each of the rooms. When I got home, I took some video of Aidan playing. Unfortunately, because I’m sort of out-of-it tonight (not feeling great, SUPER TIRED), I forgot that I’d rewound the tape before I taped Aidan and ended up wiping out 95% of the video. Nertz.
Bright side? I did take some really adorable video of the kiddo, which I shall upload to vimeo tomorrow.
Speaking of the kiddo - we got The Phone Call yesterday.
The Phone Call, you ask? Yes. Our DCFS Adoption Worker called to let us know that Aidan is officially adoptable and we need to set a date to sign permanent placement paperwork. It’s the last step before the adoption hearing, which will be in May.
AWESOME.
[edited to add: This is not going to become frequent posts about getting phone calls… it’s just happened a lot lately, so I’m writing about it. And also? SO NOT A PITY PARTY. I don’t feel bad. I don’t feel sad. Okay, I’m done with the disclaimer portion of this post.]
I had such a strong feeling that we were going to get a call this morning - such a strong feeling that we were going to get a placement today. After I got up with Aidan (who is feeling better, but napping now - huzzah!) we decided to take a drive over to the house to see how progress is progressin’. Turns out, they’ve put up wood - like, framing, dude! It’s totally awesome. And the selling agent said that the house could be complete as early as 4/1. That makes me all kinds of happy.
But as I was driving into AV, I was just thinking and mulling and ruminating on another baby. Really felt like it was going to happen today.
Then, about a half hour ago, we got a phone call. Caucasian baby girl. Four months. It looks like there will be parental involvement, that reunification is very much the goal. That’s okay, I thought. She needs a home in the interim while her parents are getting on track.
Then within ten minutes comes the next call. The call that I should know to expect. “Sorry, baby girl found another home…”
So yeah, I guess this time I was a little more dashed than I usually am - even though I knew it was okay. It’s about what’s in her best interest. Period.
But I’m telling you, it was SUCH a strong feeling.
Funny thing.
Another call that fell through. Neither of us are remotely upset about this. Little boy, between 1-2 years. Initially we were told he was Caucasian, but then we found out that information wasn’t correct. (Not remotely upset because that child is being placed with another family where he is going to be loved. I love a happy ending.
One good thing that came out of this was finding out that, despite the fact that we’re currently only certified for two children under the age of 5, if we take a 2nd placement that is not from the PRU (Placement and Recruitment Unit at DCFS [Department of Children and Family Services]) we will still be eligible to take a third child.
Did you follow all that? Well, for us it’s good news. That means that we’ll still definitely be allowed to have another adoptable child in our home even if we are also placed with a child where there is a strong possibility of reunification (the possibility always exists, but…)
I have this image in my head of our future forever family - and it includes three children. If the next placement is a girl, well, then that probably won’t be the case, but if the next placement is a boy - we will definitely be a family of five.
Just like my family was. Just like Greg’s was.
Five is a good number.
